It's amazing what your inner world can reveal when you take the time to pay attention to it. The answers really do lie within each and every one of us.
Today I found myself once again being the client. Coincidence? I doubt it, because what came up in this session was pretty much the same issue that arose last Thursday. Even the colours were similar. Last week I had a shiny, pristine, marble grey surface with a black dot. Today it was a shiny, new silver sink, with a black plug in the drain hole. Both images were pristine, perfect, unmarked.
The plug annoyed me, but yet I was unwilling to pull it out. A huge boot stomped on top of it to prevent me from pulling it out, except I could see right through it. When I asked it what it was, it told me it was me. I am the one unwilling to pull the plug out. I am the only one stopping the flow. There was also a panic-like feeling in my chest all the way up to my neck. Once again, upon asking it, it promptly told me that I was the one creating it. It too was me. It was actually quite angry with me for keeping it there. Interesting indeed because at the moment I'm not happy with my self sabotage and the way I allow fear to stop me from moving forward.
The process was extremely confronting for me, even though subconsciously I am aware of what I'm doing. So why was it confronting? Because this was my inner self, my feelings, my body, telling me directly that there is no external obstacles, no external boundaries. The only obstacle here is me. I've felt vulnerable before in processes, but today was different. Today I felt like my masks, my boundaries, my self-made protective shield, was ripped to shreds. I cannot hide from myself anymore. The truth has been revealed. I've been told quite bluntly and point blank to my face, that I am the one stopping myself.
Tonight I sat on the couch and cried my heart out. I cried for the hurt I've been placing on myself for so many years. I cried for the intensity with which I have wronged myself. I cried because what I'm doing, is stopping me from following my dreams. The dreams of helping others. The dream of leading a full and happy life. The dream of finally tearing away the chains of humanity in order to sit fully in my power, in light and love.
So how do I move forward from this? I'm not quite sure of all the answers yet, but what I do know is that it all starts with me and it starts now. The transformation, the changes, the leap of faith. All it takes is trust - trust in myself and trust in the Universe that I am being guided and supported toward a higher purpose.
Till then, I remain humanly vulnerable. Till then, I will continue on this inner journey full of lessons and experiences.
Till then....
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