Transpersonal Emergence and Crisis

Many attempts have been made to define criteria that distinguish psychosis from Spiritual Emergence. Psychotic states can sometimes become mystical experiences, and Spiritual Emergencies can slide in and out of psychosis. Some would say that these terms belong to two separate paradigms, two separate ways of thinking about our world. The Western medical paradigm is quick to label as psychotic anyone displaying severely out of the ordinary behaviour. Tribal culture on the other hand would view the same behaviour as an important process of spiritual awakening.

In Western culture, any behaviour or state which deviates from what is considered to be “normal” is automatically labeled as “mental illness”.

“Since traditional psychiatry makes no distinction between psychotic reactions and mystical states, not only crises of spiritual opening, but also uncomplicated transpersonal experiences often receive a pathological label…”¹

In mainstream psychiatry, psychosis can be used as a label for a diverse range of mental states, some of which are only superficially similar. The causes, individual qualities and personal importance of these states are distinctly different. A good example is acute psychosis, which can occur for a variety of reasons and take on many different forms. This diversity however, is blatantly ignored by mainstream psychiatry. Instead all such experiences are placed together and assumed to have a biological cause. This only serves to exacerbate an already extremely complex and challenging situation.

“Under present circumstances, the use of diagnostic labels obscures the issues and interferes with the healing potential of the process. In addition to its socially stigmatizing and psychologically damaging effects, it creates a false impression that the disorder is a precisely identified disease and serves as a justification for suppressive medication as a scientifically indicates approach.”²

Medically, psychosis is viewed as a chemical imbalance in the brain which occurs “out of the blue”. It is a mental health problem where a person has lost some contact with reality and there are severe disturbances in their thinking, emotion and behaviour. Symptoms include sensory hallucinations and delusions (paranoia) and are normally treated with medication in order to minimize them, even though there can be severe side affects from the anti-psychotics which are normally prescribed.

The transpersonal paradigm terms psychosis as something which builds over time, often throughout a person’s lifetime. Therefore transpersonally psychosis is the outcome of a predicament. Although the transpersonal paradigm does not exclude the use of medication as long as it is used wisely, the therapy is based on not alleviating the symptoms as such, but rather in supporting and guiding the person through the experience in order to create a greater understanding of the process, which in turn presents the person with a map to their experience and the ability to integrate it into their daily lives.

The term “psychosis” is derived from the Greek words – “psyche” meaning “soul” and “ osis” meaning a process, state or condition. Translated directly from the Greek, psychosis means “a process or state of the soul”. This description of psychosis is very similar, if not the same as, that of spiritual crisis. In a spiritual crisis the person finds themselves in a situation where things begin to emerge within themselves that were not there previously. The psyche that has had incomplete expression previously, suddenly emerges. Therefore, psychosis is in fact a soul process, a state change in the soul, a transformation.

Christina and Stanislav Groff defined spiritual emergencies as:

“Critical and experientially difficult stages of a profound psychological transformation involving one’s entire being. They take the form of non-ordinary states of consciousness and involve intense emotions, visions and other sensory changes, unusual thoughts and various physical manifestations. These episodes often revolve around spiritual themes. They include sequences of psychological death and rebirth, experiences that seem to be memories from previous lifetimes, feelings of oneness with the universe, encounters with mythological beings and other similar motifs.”³

It is easy to see from this definition how psychosis and spiritual emergence/crisis can be seen as the same experience. Although the symptoms of psychosis and emergence may appear identical, the person’s attitude to the experience can be the determining factor for the outcome. “Flexibility to adapt and accommodate to new areas of experience is part and parcel of the spiritual emergence process – in contrast to inflexibility, which characterizes deeply entrenched psychosis.”⁴

Transpersonally, psychosis is viewed as an opportunity to heal in a deeper and more profound way. Under this paradigm, psychosis is viewed as disintegration or shattering of a constructed personality, which is not harmonious with the true self. Over time the discrepancy between the constructed personality and the true self creates a split whereby the ego dissolves, as it is not connected in any way to the nature of the true self. This type of psychotic episode is a golden opportunity for deep and profound healing.

Spiritual emergency is a process that has the potential to be powerfully healing and transformative, as it involves a major clearing of old traumatic memories and imprints. Due to the vast amounts of psychological materials that are brought up from various levels of the unconscious, the everyday functioning of the person may be severely hindered.

Spiritual crises/emergence can manifest in a variety of ways. The Kundalini type experience is one of these. This is a spontaneous re-organisation of life energy and is likened to the awakening of the serpent power, which appears in Indian literature. Uncomfortable tremors, pressure and the feeling of something trying to get out are general indicators of a kundalini experience. The rising of the Kundalini through the subtle body infuses the physical body, thereby causing old traumatic imprints to clear and opening the psychic energy centre (chakras). The experience can manifest as intense sensations of energy and heat coursing up the spine that may cause shaking, spasms and twisting movements. Unmotivated powerful waves of emotion can also arise, such as anger, anxiety, sadness or joy. Ecstatic rapture is also common, as well as visions, sounds and past life memories.

Episodes of unitive consciousness (peak experience) is another form of spiritual emergence. This experience is one of becoming one with other people, nature and the entire universe. Profound feelings of peace, serenity, joy and ecstatic rapture are the emotions often experienced.

Psychological renewal through the return to the centre (the renewal process) is likened to an experience of a giant battlefield playing out the forces of good and evil or light and darkness. The person is preoccupied with death, sacrifice, afterlife and martyrdom. At this point the person may experience the holistic Centre, or what Jung called the Self. This Centre reflects our deepest and truest nature, the divine within, and the deep connection of one’s inner potential. This experience is often associated with a sense of profound spiritual rebirth.

The crisis of psychic opening occurs where a person experiences non-ordinary states of consciousness like clairvoyance, telepathy and precognition, as well as out of body experiences. These experiences can be very overwhelming. Mediumistic experiences (channeling) and possession type experiences may also be experienced and can be very frightening.

Past life experiences are also common forms of spiritual emergence, whereby the person experiences periods that seem to take place in other places and times. Powerful emotion, physical sensations and intricate details are associated with past life experiences.

Communicating and/or channeling with spirit guides, thereby forming a teacher, guide or protector relationship, is also a form of spiritual emergence. Spirit guides can be discarnate humans, supra-human entities and/or deities on higher planes of consciousness.

A spiritual crisis is often brought on by near death experiences due to the fundamental challenge of beliefs about reality. Often the person witnesses their whole live in a moment, and their consciousness detaches from the body and floats freely above the scene. Experiences also include a dark tunnel that brings them to a light of brilliance and beauty encompassing a sense of all embracing love.

Other forms of spiritual emergence/crises, include UFO abduction and possession state. Jung’s study of UFO abductions revealed that they appeared at times of mass panic and crisis, and represent visionary states (lights) and civilisations that are more advanced that ours (aliens).

In possession-like experiences there is a breakdown, a thinning of the ordinary boundaries that separate a person from his/her environment. The entity or energy that is controlling or possessing them is hostile.

In both UFO abductions and possession states the person is left feeling violated, invaded and with feelings of having lost control.

The Shamanic crisis (calling) is also a form of spiritual emergence. Shamanism is the oldest religion and healing art. The Shamanic call generally begins with a ‘shamanic illness’. The person has powerful experiences of journeying into the underworld where they are attacked and tortured by demons, ending in death and dismemberment, which is followed by rebirth and ascension to celestial realms. The Shamanic experience is a major transformation of one’s identity as a healer. It does not overpower you rather, you achieve a distance from the experience itself, therefore making it a gift of survival.

When working with a client who is undergoing a spiritual emergence/crises, it is crucial to ensure that the client feels supported and protected in order to reduce fear and distress. As the spiritual emergence is in itself a journey of unfoldment, it is crucial for the client to temporarily discontinue any spiritual practices or other uncovering therapies. Simple grounding, calming activities are best, as stimulation needs to be kept to a minimum. As a therapist it is important to support and guide the client so that they will be better able to embrace the changes. Normalising the experience as much as possible will help the client to be present with what is occurring for them rather than resisting it, giving them the time and space to better understand what is unfolding. By having a map of the experience the client will be more confident in navigating their journey of spiritual growth.

Transpersonal therapy looks at spiritual emergence with a more holistic approach, as it encompasses spiritual, psychological, social and biological factors. Medical therapy does not include the spiritual aspect of human behaviour. Humans live in a world of experiences, not brain chemistry. The Transpersonal model is open to the idea that some experiences may actually be profound meaningful processes, rather than an abnormality or chemical imbalance of the brain.

The medical model identifies all psychosis as a destruction of the psyche and attempts to stop the person from falling via medication. Medically, psychosis is “the end of the line”. The transpersonal model meets the person where they are, helps them to reach the bottom, then assists them to come out of it by helping them to rebuilt a “new world”. Psychosis, from a transpersonal point of view, is potentially the emergence of the authentic self, which allows the person to live their own life, to realise their true path and to head towards a meaningful, present and awakened existence.

Copyright: January 2012 Maria Kafaltis. All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from Maria Kafaltis.

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1 “The Stormy Search for the Self” by Stanislav & Christine Groff

2 “The Stormy Search for the Self” by Stanislav & Christine Grof

3 Christina & Stanislav Groff (1990)

4 Emma Bragdon (1988)

Surrender and Receive

Monday, 8th August 2011

The intensity of my ego experience had left me feeling relieved but drained energetically.  The days leading up to last Tuesday, I'd had many thoughts running through my mind, particularly ones of doubt regarding the emergence.  It had never occured to me that maybe, the ego awareness process had been a part of the emergence.  Of course, I realise this now, particularly the important that ego awareness has on emergence.  Without awareness of the ego, how can we move forward?  Without ego awareness, I would never have been able to get through my latest experience.

My ego was in full swing from the moment I woke up on Tuesday, 2nd August.  It was having a field day, telling me consistently that all that I believed in was a bunch of crap.  Emergence??  What emergence???  My experiences weren't emergence.  They were signs of mental instability!  Energy downloads, spirit guides, awakening, ascension....all just a cruel joke on my part to make me believe that there was something "special" going on. 

By the time I got home from work, I decided to push my annoying ego to the side and sat down to look up some of my favourite music on YouTube.  Music has always soothed my soul and brought in positive energy when I'm feeling down.  And so the night began with all my favourite tunes.  I was quite enjoying myself.  I could still hear the ego in the recesses of my mind, but my mood had been lifted with the music.  Everything was all good!

At around 9pm, I came across my all-time favourite song "In The Arms of An Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin.  No matter how many times I hear this song, it's a guarantee I will cry.  There's just something about the music and the lyrics that stirs up so many deep and meaningful emotions.  I've always used this song as a way to stir up suppressed emotions that I want to release and heal, so there must've been something that needed to be released for me to choose this song when I did.

Of course, the tears immediately welled up and within the first few moments of the song I found myself crying.  The difference this time was that I actually felt physical pain in my chest.  Not in the physical heart area, but in the spiritual heart.  The pain intensified as the song continued, and I found myself clutching at my chest, tears poaring down my face.

I was astounded at the intensity of the pain.  My first thought was that I was picking up on the emotions of an acquantence, so I asked my guides to tone it down.  It always works, but this time, the pain remained.  I found myself clicking "replay" on the song that had started my tyraid of tears.  The pain intensified, the tears continued to flow.  I felt desolate, depressed even. 

I cried to the point where my head hurt before I realised the thoughts that were circulating through my mind.  Memories of my marriage, my ex-husband, my divorce, the pain and rejection I'd felt.  They were all floating around in my mind, stirring emotions that I knew had been healed a long time ago.  As soon as this awareness hit me, I stopped crying.  I sat very still, confused.  Why on earth were these things coming up?  Of course there were still issues and pain to heal, but none were related to my divorce nor my ex-husband.  I was totally confused.

I continued to sit still, my head pounding, my face wet from the tears I had cried.  As I sat in that stillness, I became aware of a little voice in the recesses of my mind whispering memories from my past.  Memories from my marriage and divorce.  The voice was quiet, but I instantly knew what it was.  It was the voice of my ego.  It was my ego that was desperately trying to drag me into an emotional heap.

Exhausted from the crying, I instantly shut my computer down and decided to go to bed.  I was furious that I had been dragged down like that by my ego.  Little did I know, that that had been just the beginning of an interesting night.

It was around 11pm when I went to bed.  I don't think I actually fell asleep.  It was pretty much and hour and a half of tossing and turning.  Around 12.30pm I gave up trying and simply lay on my back, my eyes open, starring into the darkness.  It was then I began to feel the tighteness in my chest.  It wasn't painful, it was simply a physical sensation of tighteness.  At the same time, I noticed my breath was coming in short, quick bursts.  I didn't move.  I continued to lay there, very still, wondering what was going on.  The tightening sensation continued, but now I was starting to feel like I couldn't breath.  I sat bolt upright.  What the hell was going on?  Waves of panic (that's the only way I can describe the feeling) began to sweep over my body and I immediately sat on the side of the bed, my head between my legs.  I was positive I was going to pass out.  I felt physically sick as the waves continued to wash over me, making my stomach lurch.  I stood up slowly, and promptly sat down again as another wave of "panic" hit me.

"Drink water...drink water...drink water" I kept hearing in my head.  It gave me comfort to know that my Guides were with me.  I sat for a moment longer until the waves subsided, then got up and walked slowly and carefully to the kitchen.  I drank a glass of water, refilled it and brought it back to my room.  By this point, I was feeling better.  Still nauseous, but no "panic" waves.  I lay down and closed eyes, sure it was over.

Immediately the waves began once more.  They started at the base of my torso and moved up my body, churning my stomach, tightening my chest, constricting my throat, and making me extremely light in the head.  One after another the waves hit, starting at my base, and moving up my body.  At the same time, random, irrational thoughts were going through my mind - "I'm going to pass out!"; "I'm dying!".  In the middle, a calm, rational guiding voice kept repeating "Just breathe, surrender to the process".

And so the battle between "I'm going to die!" and "Just breathe" continued for what seemed like hours.  The waves continued, one after another, until I couldn't move.  I was paralysed in my bed as the process continued.  I chose to listen to the guiding voice, and closed my eyes, took deep breaths.  I concentrated as much as possible on breathing, in between panicking. 

The waves did eventually subside enough for me to sit up and, at the prompting once more of my guiding voice, drink more water.  Looking at the clock, I realised the second experience had lasted for almost an hour.  It was now 2am.  It had been an hour and a half since the "panic" waves had begun.  How had time passed so quickly?

Still shaken but feeling a lot calmer now, I decided to lie down again.  This time, I made the decision to surrender completely to the process if it happened again.  Somehow, I knew this was not an anxiety attack.  It was much more than that, otherwise I would not have had that guiding voice telling me all the right things to do.  And so, I closed my eyes, ready for what I knew instinctively would come.

The third wave was even more intense that the second.  This time it wasn't just the nausea and constriction.  It started with my right arm going numb, then the numbness spread down my whole right side to the tips of my toes until I couldn't feel the right side of my body at all.  I temporarily felt my heart race in a panic, but that guiding voice interrupted "surrender...breathe".  A calmness spread over me.  "I surrender" I said out loud.

With those words came the peace.  I couldn't feel my body at all at this stage, but I didn't panic.  By now I was convinced that something a lot bigger was going on.  The peace lasted a few minutes before my body began to convulse violently.  The sensation was almost like that of a shudder or chill and it lasted only a few seconds.

I lay in my bed, completely still.  I could feel my body buzzing with energy from my toes right up to my crown.  I was consumed by this energy.  I'd never felt so alive yet so at peace in all my life.

Something very special had just occured.  So special in fact, that my ego had had an anxiety attack.  I on the other hand, felt absolutely wonderful!

Still buzzing, I drifted off into the most peaceful sleep I've ever had.  I woke up the next morning a little confused but feeling absolutely radiant.

Arising of the Ego

It's been almost 2 months since my last intense emergence experience.  There have been the energy downloads on a daily basis, but this has been manageable and actually quite nice and energising.  I should've known that this was the calm before the storm!

Although from an emergence perspective things have been quiet, from an emotional purging perspective it's been one thing after another.  Thanks to my course, I haven't been able to avoid it.  First there was the personal ritual which was a major enlightenment for me as to the root causes of all my emotional issues.  It was this ritual on the 14th June that opened my eyes to the fact that my emotional roller coaster officially began at the tender age of 7.

That was followed by two weeks of more intense processing from past life regression to chakra work.  One after the other they came, ripping me apart and stirting the debris from its depths.  Through it all I felt emotionally and physically exhausted.  There were times when I thought I wasn't going to make it.  Knowing that it was a necessary process of awakening gave me the strength to keep going, even when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and pretend the world didn't exist.

The event that shifted things dramatically was a channelling session at school on the 7th July.  Bringing in pure light always stirs things up, but what occurred following this particular channelling, was far beyond anything I expected.

Immediately following the channelling, I felt calm and peaceful, nothing out of the ordinary.  That beautiful peaceful feeling was not to remain for long however.  As time ticked by, I could feel that peace and calm slowly trickling away.  Annoyance, aggitation and anger replaced the serenity.  By the time I got home that night, I was fully in my anger.  Everything and anything annoyed me.  Comments made to me were automatically analysed and misconstrued.  My temper fuse was very short, non-existent even.  It was at this point that the downhill slide geared into full speed.

That night a conversation with a friend triggered the first switch.  I immediately descended into a deep sadness.  Old wounds of unworthiness of love rose up to the surface, clinging on to the sadness like a life support.  I was so emersed, that I was blinded to the reality of what was happening.  That night, I cried myself to sleep. 

The next day I awoke feeling like I'd had a vat of black coal dumped on me.  I knew I was in a state of depression but I didn't care.  I wanted to be there.  I wanted to wollow in self pity and feel sorry for myself.  Without a doubt I was in victim mode and I didn't care.  Thoughts of the previous night's conversation kept repeating itself in my head, an invisible finger continuously pressing "replay".  That morning I drove the kids to school in an almost catatonic state.  Even they knew there was something wrong.  Tentatively my daughter asked me if I was ok, and the tears immediately began to run down my cheeks.  She reached over and held my hand in support, and I just continued crying. 

"I'm not worthy of being loved"
"I'll never have anyone special in my life"
"I'm not good enough for anyone to love"

These thoughts intermingled with the replaying of the conversation from the night before.  The more I thought, the more I cried.

Within minutes of arriving at work, the second switch was triggered.  My replacement had been hired and would be starting on Monday.  It was Friday.  I was dumbfounded.  The fact that I was already in victim mode, only served to strengthen my feelings of not been worthy.  This new switch now converted my sadness into anger.  Not just any anger, but the type of anger that makes you see red.  I was furious.  I wanted to scream and walk out, telling them to take their job and shove it.  I was beyond reason, beyond logic.  I've been told on many occasions that I am scary when I get this angry.  It must've been true because literally everyone at work avoided me that day.  My energy was repelling everyone around me.  They didn't dare tell me I was being unreasonable.  The ones that had the courage to were greeted with icy stares and reproachful words.  I was very vocal about my feelings and didn't care who heard me.  I wanted a confrontation.  I wanted management to say something to me so I could let my rage fly.

Late that afternoon, the third and final switch was triggered.  I discovered that a dear friend of mine had that day left to go back to Perth indefinitely.  Although I'd known he'd be leaving, I wasn't aware it was happening that day.  There was no goodbye.  No message, no text - nothing.  I was dumbfounded.  How was it possible that a person I'd considered to be one of my closest friends, could just leave without a word?  It was the last straw in my emotional chaos. 

At that point the sadness and rage collided.  I was left numb and speechless.  I wanted to cry, but no tears came.  It was as if everything was frozen in that moment of complete pain and emptiness.  It was the spotlight that highlighted my worst nightmare - that I was unworthy of love or respect from anyone, including those I loved the most.  Until that point I had just managed to keep my head above the quicksand.  With that last trigger, I'd been violently pulled under.  I had sunk so deep, I couldn't feel or see anything around me.

I went home that night in a state of complete despair.  Thankfully, the magic words of a friend from school were the net which dragged me out of that state.

Since I can remember, music has always been my own personal healing sactuary.  No matter what is going on around me, as long as I have music, I am able to find the strength to keep going.  My friend Katie reminded me of this.  She told me to put some music on that I enjoyed and to allow myself to drop into it.  She told me to allow the music to wash away my painful emotions.  She told me to do exactly what I had done so many times before in my life.

On my way to pick up the kids from Greek school, I put on my friend's music and allowed myself to drop into it, to become the music.  I'd listened to this CD many times before, but this time was different.  By dropping into the music itself, I suddenly was able to really hear it.  Although the lyrics were in Tibetan, somehow I understood every word.  Each note was a word.  Each note was an emotion.  Each melody was a string of emotions put together to create an energy that was so profound, I could feel it right in the core of my soul. 

It felt as though something beautiful and warm had exploded inside my body.  The sadness, the pain, the anger, the frustration, suddenly dissolved and I was left with a wonderful warmth that washed through me and over me.  I was completely consumed by the feeling.  As I drove, I found myself smiling, then laughing out loud.  It was like a curtain had been pulled back on everything that had occurred the last 48 hours and I was able to see everything neutrally in front of me.  Ego.  It was all ego.  My ego had thrown a tantrum!  After I had been opened up during the channelling and pure energy and light had begun to poor in, my ego had freaked out.  The ego wasn't happy that this energy was suddenly taking over it's domain, it's space.  A space that it had occupied for 39 years.  Like a child who's favourite toy was suddenly taken away, my ego had thrown a tantrum that it's space was being taken away.  WOW!!! 

The realisation of this blew me away.  I suddenly realised that all these years of anger, sadness and negativity, had all been ego based.  I shook my head and laughed at how simple it all was.  All this time I'd been searching for an answer, and it had been inside me all the time.

I felt as though a huge burden had suddenly been lifted off my shoulders.  The joy I experienced in that moment was beyond description.  The solid and clear awareness of my ego was an unexpected but welcome revelation.

Since then I have found it interested at how easy it is to pick out when my ego is talking, acting or thinking.  Even while I'm in the middle of it, there is a part of me coaxing the ego into submission.  Much like the term "stroking the ego".  I have noticed that acknowledgement followed by gentle reprimanding works well with calming the ego.

That one moment of realisation has given me so much power of self, that sometimes it seems too simple to be real.  Yet another perfect example of the beauty of simplicity.

Dreaming of a New World

This past week has been a very strange but interesting one for me.  Normally, my spiritual experience occur when I'm in a waking state or an altered state (ie: meditation).  This week I have been having experiences in my sleep state, although, I do wonder whether I am actually sleeping.  It feels more like an altered state or a type of astral projection.  I can distinctly feel my physical body, however I'm not in it.  Freaky?  It was at first, but over the last couple of months I've learnt to not be freaked out by my experiences.  Going with the flow is the best way to allow the transition to happen and the information to integrate.

To most people I probably sound like a raving lunatic.  If I wasn't 100% sure of the authenticity of my experiences, I may be worried too.  Do I have some sort of concrete, scientific proof that what I am experiencing is spiritual and not some type of mental or emotional disorder?  No.  My proof lies within me.  It lies in the depths of my being, and I know that everything I have and continue to experience, is valuable and is preparation for bigger things to come.  After all, if it was a disorder, then why are so many people worldwide experiencing similar things?

Having said this, this week I have had two phenomenal experiences, which spoke to me in unimaginable ways.  These experiences have changed me at very deep spiritual and psychological levels.

The first experience began on Monday night, around 11.30pm, and continued until approximately 4am Tuesday morning.

Tuesday, 31st May 2011

I had the strangest night last night.  I'm actually stuck for words to describe it.  I guess it started with me having problems going to sleep.  There has been a lot going through my mind lately, so it didn't surprise me.  It always happens when my mind is working overtime.

At 11.30pm I decided it was time to at least attempt to sleep, so I turned off the night lamp, closed my eyes, and internally dialogued with myself, trying to convince myself that it was time to sleep now.

I did end up falling asleep, but woke up at 12:12pm.  I starred at the clock, frustrated.  Was this going to be one of those nights where I woke up every hour?  I closed my eyes and thankfully fell asleep straight away.  It was at this point the strange experiences began.

I'm not sure whether I was dreaming or somewhere between an awake and sleeping state.  I distinctly remember waking up regularly on an hourly basis to begin, and then every 2 hours.  It could've been astral projection, but it didn't feel as though my physical body was in the bed.  It was like the whole of me had been transported to another place - both physical and light bodies.

It's difficult to describe where I saw myself being at.  It was a sense, a feeling rather than a visual.  I was in a peaceful, serene place.  There was nothing around me, but it wasn't nothingness I sensed, nor was it darkness.  It just was.  It definitely wasn't Earthly.  In fact it didn't feel like it was another planet either.  It was as if I was in a place that was completely beyond time and space, beyond anything our human minds could possibly comprehend.  And there was a profound stillness around and within me.  It felt simple, yet powerful beyond imagination.

As soon as my eyes would close, I would be in this place of peace.  The 'waking' periods were jolted by my feeling like I was choking.  Not choking on an object, but choking on my own breath.  It was as if the air, or whatever I was breathing in this space, was causing my lungs to constrict.  I would gasp for air, open my eyes, and then gently close my eyes again and I would be back in that space.  After a few times, it was as though my lungs, my physical body, adapted to this substance I was breathing.  The last thing I remember prior to waking up this morning, was me floating in this space, suspended in time and place, feeling completely at peace and at one with everything.

I woke up thinking - WOW!  What on earth was that?  I know now that, without a doubt, I had been taken to a very special place.  I believe this place to be the Space of Origination.  It is the space from which everything was created and everything will one day revert back to.  I'd always wondered where everything had started from.  It seems that my Guides decided it was time for me to find out.  Although, it wasn't my Guides that took me to this space.  It was the Order of the New Dawning.  

It is the Order of the New Dawning that is heading the Ascension of humanity.  It is this Order that still resides in the Space of Origination.  They are the purest of the Light Beings.  And I thank them for giving me the honour of seeing and experiencing what I did last night.

Although this is a lot of information to take in for a mere human, I am not confused.  Many might say I've lost my mind, and understandably so.  However I know I'm sane, and I know without a doubt what I experienced.  Where did the terminology come from?  Who knows!  All I know, is that I trust my experiences and I trust the information that I'm being given.  

Without trust and faith, we will never be able to shift into a better, more peaceful and more loving existence.  I'm definitely ready...are you?

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The second experience occured early yesterday morning.  It began around 2am and continued on until 8am.  I was woken up by my daughter at 10.30am.  For some unknown reason, I closed my eyes, and I was back in that 'dream' again, watching, experiencing.  I opened my eyes, took a few deep breathes, then closed them again.  Once again, I was back in that same 'dream'.  Because of this experience, I am convinced that this was not a dream.  It does happen that you can close your eyes after a dream, and take yourself back to it again, but normally in that circumstance, you have control over what happens in the dream.  This was not the case here.  I closed my eyes, was back in that 'dream', but I simply allowed things to unfold.  I didn't try to control them.  I simply asked to be taken back there and I was.  What occured around me was not of my making.  It was like walking out of a room and then back in again.

Saturday, 4th June 2011

I am standing in a large room.  The room is pure white.  Crisp, clean, spacious and pure white.  It feels extremely peaceful in this room.  I am not afraid, nor do I feel as though I'm in an unfamiliar place.  The whiteness of the room seems to pulsate.  It's as though the room itself is alive with energy.  I know it's me standing in the room, however I don't look the way I know myself to look.  Again, this doesn't phase me nor does it scare me.

I sense that I'm needed somewhere, and suddenly I find myself at a circular landing where there is a lady and about three others.  Each person is wearing white.  The women a white, flowing dress, fitted but loose - like me.  The men a white shirt and pants.  In the centre of the chest, each of us has an oval shaped jewel/ornament with crystals in it.  Mine is clear quartz.  There is a lady there who seems to be a leader.  Her jewel has blue crystals - lapus lazuli.  The others have purple - amethyst.  These are the only three crystals I see - clear quartz, lapus lazuli and amethyst.

We are all perfect physically.  Smooth, young skin, perfect slim physique.  We are all completely peaceful and calm.  A male comes toward me.  He stands behind me and our bodies begin to glow a brilliant white.  It feels like we are one.  Like he is the male part and I am the female - yin and yang.

There is someone outside mowing the lawns.  The lady asks me why he's doing this at this hour (it's nightime). The man she is referring to is her male counterpart.  When she speaks to me, there is no movement of her mouth.  It's a telepathic speaking.  This is why the space we are in is so quiet and peaceful.  Because we do not speak out loud.  We speak telepathically.

The lady and I are then walking outside.  We stop in front of the man who is mowing the grass.  He seems to be naked, but he's not.  He isn't dressed in white like everyone else and he doesn't have the glow we all have.  He is not like us yet.  I tell the lady - "It's the shift.  It does strange things you know and while it's being integrated, it makes them do things that are not normal."  She nods.

At this point I look back to look at the 'house' we were in earlier.  It doesn't look like a house exactly.  It's more like a prism, a shape of pure, brilliant white light.  I can sense the pull toward it's serenity.  Being outside in the darkness makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place.  I want to be back home.  Just with that thought, I find myself back in space of pure white light.